A few years ago, if you had told us that we’d be growing pineapples in our backyard and calling it Bikini Bottom, we probably would’ve laughed. We would have grabbed a sweet tea and gone back to chasing chickens. But here we are—living the dream, y’all. The pineapples have arrived, and we’re screaming in tropical!
Now, let’s get one thing straight: pineapples are not for the impatient. These little spiky divas take their sweet time. We’re talking 18 to 24 months of sunbathing, sass, and attitude before they even think about producing fruit. But when they do… oh honey, it’s a moment.
We’ve been nurturing these plants like overprotective helicopter parents. Whispering sweet nothings. Playing island music. Telling them how pretty they are. One of them is named Pineyoncé. She’s extra. And now? THEY’RE FRUITING. We’ve officially got baby pineapples peeking out like shy toddlers at a family reunion. We didn’t cry, but if we did, it was the dirt-in-the-eye kind of tears. Definitely not emotional. Nope.
Why Grow Pineapples, You Ask?
Besides the fact that SpongeBob SquarePants lives in one and we wanted a piece of his real estate market? Because pineapples are fabulous, low-maintenance, and a total conversation starter.
Also:
- They thrive in warm weather (hello, New Orleans 🌞).
- You can grow them in the ground or in containers.
- They practically ignore pests because, again, spiky diva.
- They’re one of the few fruits that scream, “Welcome to your tropical life, darling.”
Things We’ve Learned While Becoming Pineapple Parents:
- They grow from the top of another pineapple — like some sort of fruity phoenix rising from a grocery store haul. That’s right. You eat the fruit, then stick the top in dirt. Mother Nature is WILD.
- They only produce one fruit per plant. One! So when that fruit shows up, you throw a party. Possibly wear a lei. We’re not saying we did, but we’re not saying we didn’t.
- Patience is not optional. You will wait. You will water. You will wonder if you’re being punked. And then one day, bam—a tiny pineapple arrives like, “Sup, y’all?”
So what’s next for Bikini Bottom? Honestly, we’re just proud plant parents watching our fruity babies grow. Eventually, we’ll harvest them, eat them, and start the whole thing over again. It’s the circle of (homestead) life.
Until then, we’ll be out here living like tropical farmers. We’ll be sipping pineapple smoothies. We might even try to find a way to put tiny sunglasses on our plants. Because why not?
Stay juicy,
The 1737 Urban Homestead Crew
🌿🍍🌻
1737 Urban Homestead 